Guys I will keep posting stories, my third chapter will be posted around thursday, if you guys want, my co-writer will also be posting the episodes along with other stories he will write so if you want you can keep reading Death dealers trust me the next chapter will answer many questions and develop many more.
Synopsis: this is the story of a world with out death and how governments after realizing that it was wrong to make immortality mandatory, since it is only natural to die, and the world went mad.
Characters: it has no characters just a narrator.
Structure: it is narrated in third person and has a very good narration.
Setting: It has no specific setting it just mentions it takes place somewhere in 2026. Where apparently since is highly developed.
Conclusion: It is a very good story althought it seems as if you have something against bio-tech or since also I recommend spell-cheking your work.
Gerardo J. González
Synopsis: This a great story of how some people hide behind false identities to hurt others and how the main character finds out that he is lying.
Structure: this story is related in first person and has good descriptions.
Characters: The main character is a strong woman who cautiously looks after herself and protects herself from this man who wants to trick her and use her for his own personal pleasure.
Conclusion: This is a very good story and those girls who really believe that they'll find a good man that will mean no harm to them in a bar or a disco should read stuff like this before deciding to go out.
Setting: this story takes place in what seems to be a bar or a disco club.
Synopsis: This story is about how the creation involved a different view form that one which we know involving guardians of the earth and how evil came to be.
Characters: Nanari, Alice, Mark, Aratore and Fenhir. Nanari seems to be the wisest of the characters and tells of the creation.
Setting: Gaia which seems to be the alternate version of our world. This story takes place in a room in which Nanari is reading to her grandchildren the story of the creation.
Structure: it has good dialogue and narration.
Conclusion: This is a good story and there is more to come so I'll follow the story, keep up the good work Kid!
Synopsis: This is the story of a stranded student who falls off a cliff and almost dies, then this wolf-like spirit gives him some of his spirit so that he could survive changing him to a wolf in the full moon.
Setting: Apparently snowing mountains with trees, not very specified.
Characters; Keiichi, a student who seems kind of clumsy and the wolf spirit who gave him part of his spirit so that he could survive.
Structure: this story has no special structure but has good narration
Conclusion: This story is very intriguing but needs development and more description.
Synopsis: This story is about a man who was shipped to X717 a planet near earth after the third world war because of his blood type and killed his beloved Alejandra in order to bring her back to life when he brought back to earth.
Characters: the main character isn't named but his beloved Alejandra is and she is killed by the main character.
Structure: he divided the story is what look like stanzas from a poem, which give it a unique appearance.
Setting: The setting is X717 in what seems to be the future.
Conclusion: well the story is interesting but it needs to be developed more, also you could describe more the setting so that the reader gets a better idea.
Synopsis: This is the story of a boy who grew up with a father who acted like a gangster and mistreated his wife, so naturally he grew up to be a gangster junkie who killed people for the fun of it and got involved in many illegal events including other mafias.
Structure: This story is narrated form the main character's point of view in a summary of what seems to be a the twisted life of a gangster.
Characters: most of the characters aren't defined except for Wiso and Benjamin. Wiso was the one who started the main character in the "game".
Setting: the setting isn't really defined.
Conclusion: This story would be good for a person who is involved in this. It would help that person realize that long with others who have died the same way, in evil there is never any triumph.
Synopsis: this is a story about a boy who got run over by a truck after running away from his parents after he confessed his homosexuality to them, and how he must learn the reason why he is trapped in this dream world of his where everything is completely the opposite to our world so that he is reborn.
Characters: we have the boy and his parents, a dogird and Prowly. They all show different traits that make an important par of the story and how this boy learns an important lesson and is born again.
Setting: it has no specified setting.
Structure: this story has good use of descriptions but lacks narration. The author could use a little more narrations.
Conclusion: I personally find this one very interesting, and I really loved the idea of a world made of a persons dreams.
Synopsis: this is the usual story of a land in wealth who find themselves to be greater than the rest and consider that the only cure to their problem is to eliminate those who stand in their way of creating a perfect world. Therefore we have two clashing forces, White Gates vs. Bastoria, thus involving them in great battles, in which honor and truth will be found in debate with power and greed.
Characters: the characters are Ipibiont, Varhalia, Hoss, Robm and King Bradley.
Structure: The excessive use of dialogue makes this story more interesting.
Setting: the main setting is middle earth, which is divided by White Gate and Bastoria.
Conclusion: you should probably name your places and characters after something that is not that common, people will tend to refer to your characters as characters from other stories.
Synopsis: this is the usual story of a land in wealth who find themselves to be greater than the rest and consider that the only cure to their problem is to eliminate those who stand in their way of creating a perfect world. Therefore we have two clashing forces, White Gates vs. Bastoria, thus involving them in great battles, in which honor and truth will be found in debate with power and greed.
Characters: the characters are Ipibiont, Varhalia, Hoss, Robm and King Bradley.
Structure: The excessive use of dialogue makes this story more interesting.
Setting: the main setting is middle earth, which is divided by White Gate and Bastoria.
Conclusion: you should probably name your places and characters after something that is not that common, people will tend to refer to your characters as characters from other stories.
Synopsis: this is the usual story of a land in wealth who find themselves to be greater than the rest and consider that the only cure to their problem is to eliminate those who stand in their way of creating a perfect world. Therefore we have two clashing forces, White Gates vs. Bastoria, thus involving them in great battles, in which honor and truth will be found in debate with power and greed.
Syopsis: this storry is about a girl named Ykuz who meets a man named Sansa in a restaurant in "The block" in Orange California. Ykuz seems to be a goth girl who has a friend she really likes named Jin, she considers him her almost boyfriend. Sansa meets them both and tells Ykuz he saw something in Jin he really didn't like. Next thing we know is a call from Jin comes to Ykuz and only the song "Behind Blue Eyes" is heard, the next thing we know is that Jin is dead and Sansa is comforting Ykuz in her time of need.
Structure: The use of dialogue and description makes this story interesting, and it is also a ver intriguing plot since we might never know if Jin was actually murdered by Sansa.
Setting: It all takes place in online chats and The Block which is vaguely described.
Conclusion: It is and odd story but still good. You should probably use more descriptions and develop the story more since we all want to know what happens next.
Synopsis: this story is about an archaeologist named John who is searching for a secret treasured stone in the amazon but seems to be lost, alone and hungry. He finds him self in a trail of red rose petals and finds a woman in cave with a rose by her left knee and falls into a trap ignoring the womans warnings.
Characters: John and the unknown woman are about the only characters that take part of the action.
Structure: this story is divided in chapters which means that this story is not really finished.
Setting: the story mostly takes place in the Amazon forest and in the cave in which he found the woman.
Conclusion: I will keep on reading the chapters to better understand the story, because up until know it just reminds me of an Indiana Jones movie.
Synopsis: This is the usual cheater heart brake story, in which, like always a man cheats on his soon to may wife and leaves an unsuspecting woman with broken dreams and hopes, and usually pregnant. Then broken turns cold and the only way for her to get relief is to kill the man who hurt her.
Structure: It was a very good narration divided by dialogue but it seems more like a drama play bill.
Setting: Not really defined but what we do know is that one of the vents takes place in a chapel.
Characters: Monique, Christina and Mark Now my favorite character is Monique because she show to be a smart woman since no one ever knew that she killed mark. She must have really planned things out.
Conclusion: It is a very good story but it reminds me very much of every day soap operas. Thought it has a very good us of dialogue.
Synopsis: This is the story about a man who was abducted as a child by some strange race who consider him to be his savior, along side his mate, who seems to be his girlfriend Andy. The story develops as he and his friends Alexa, Hector, and Ian join them for a camping trip. Unknown to Devin he was
being followed by the strange race that named him their savior for it was his time to save them.
Structure: It has very good use of description which makes this kind of tense since the frightening details make this story all the more intriguing.
Setting: It takes place in some kind of forest and Devin's house.
Characters: Devin his girlfriend Andy, Hector, Ian, Alexa and Devin's parents take part of the action in this story.
Conclusion: It was very good specially since it made me very intrigued to know what was actually going on, and what exactly did this strange creature want with Devin.
Synopsis: This story is about an interview with a Russian soldier forced to join the air forces, aliased as Fritz.
Structure: It has no special structure but it has good use of narration and description.
Characters: we only have two characters involved, Fritz and he interviewer.
Setting: The story takes place in Fritz's house, however the story Fritz narrates spreads over the old world and new world.
Conclusion: It is a very good story considering the fact that most of the stories involving the Nazi are related to supernatural events such as the gates of hell.
Synopsis: this is a story about a boy named marcelo, and how he learns that in life sometimes we just don't get what we wish for, no matter how much we work for it.
Characters: Marcelo and his parents take most of the actions in this story.
Structure: it was written in separated paragraphs due to the different actions taking place in them. It was very useful since you can take track of what is happening.
Setting: The story takes place in Marcelo's house. Around Christmas since the last day is Christmas morning.
Conclusion: It was well written and it makes you think that normally children have the best view and opinion of the world around us... if everything in life where as what we worked for it would be a better world.
Synopsis: It seems as if the story f a under age child who is sexually abused and tormented.
Characters: The narrating voice, and some other characters who are described vaguely.
Setting: It is poorly described but it seems to take place in what seems to be hell.
Structure: The use of metaphors is extensively used in this story but it is written in normal paragraphs.
Conclusion: It was a good description of what to me would be an average nightmare. You could use a little more description and more development since it seems as just metaphors describing an unpleasant event.
Synopsis: This story is about a boy named Cody, his family and a mansion they receive as heritage from Cody’s Uncle named James, who was known as Freaky James due to his paranormal studies.Cody began to assist a new school where he was called Freaky Cody because of his uncle. Later after many frightening events he discovers an alien in his attic.
Conclusion: The use of descriptions and dialogue helped me better understand this story. It seems like a good story and it had me very intrigued. I would compare this story to dramas like Heroes, you read the first chapter and you just want to keep reading.
Structure:It was divided in chapters to create a stronger intrigue in the story, also the use of dialog was very noticeable since the dialogues where separated from the rest of the story.
Characters – The story has about eight characters Cody, Mrs. Watts, Melanie, Dr. Elwood grant, Uncle James, Dustin Flanoir, Edward and Tristan. Every single one described in a very good way. it makes the story a lot more interesting.
Setting: The only specific information the the author offers it that the story took place mostly in James old home.
Hinoske
Documents Commented
Death Dealers
Guys if you are keeping score the next chapter shall be out tonight Wednesday, not Thursday but WEDNESDAY, got a few surprises for ya.
Death Dealers
Guys I will keep posting stories, my third chapter will be posted around thursday, if you guys want, my co-writer will also be posting the episodes along with other stories he will write so if you want you can keep reading Death dealers trust me the next chapter will answer many questions and develop many more.
The year 2026
Synopsis: this is the story of a world with out death and how governments after realizing that it was wrong to make immortality mandatory, since it is only natural to die, and the world went mad.
Characters: it has no characters just a narrator.
Structure: it is narrated in third person and has a very good narration.
Setting: It has no specific setting it just mentions it takes place somewhere in 2026. Where apparently since is highly developed.
Conclusion: It is a very good story althought it seems as if you have something against bio-tech or since also I recommend spell-cheking your work.
Gerardo J. González
"The Mask"
Synopsis: This a great story of how some people hide behind false identities to hurt others and how the main character finds out that he is lying.
Structure: this story is related in first person and has good descriptions.
Characters: The main character is a strong woman who cautiously looks after herself and protects herself from this man who wants to trick her and use her for his own personal pleasure.
Conclusion: This is a very good story and those girls who really believe that they'll find a good man that will mean no harm to them in a bar or a disco should read stuff like this before deciding to go out.
Setting: this story takes place in what seems to be a bar or a disco club.
Gerardo J. González
Threaths of Fantasy
Synopsis: This story is about how the creation involved a different view form that one which we know involving guardians of the earth and how evil came to be.
Characters: Nanari, Alice, Mark, Aratore and Fenhir. Nanari seems to be the wisest of the characters and tells of the creation.
Setting: Gaia which seems to be the alternate version of our world. This story takes place in a room in which Nanari is reading to her grandchildren the story of the creation.
Structure: it has good dialogue and narration.
Conclusion: This is a good story and there is more to come so I'll follow the story, keep up the good work Kid!
Under a full Moon By: Eric Feliciano
Synopsis: This is the story of a stranded student who falls off a cliff and almost dies, then this wolf-like spirit gives him some of his spirit so that he could survive changing him to a wolf in the full moon.
Setting: Apparently snowing mountains with trees, not very specified.
Characters; Keiichi, a student who seems kind of clumsy and the wolf spirit who gave him part of his spirit so that he could survive.
Structure: this story has no special structure but has good narration
Conclusion: This story is very intriguing but needs development and more description.
Gerardo J. González
Wake up my darling
Synopsis: This story is about a man who was shipped to X717 a planet near earth after the third world war because of his blood type and killed his beloved Alejandra in order to bring her back to life when he brought back to earth.
Characters: the main character isn't named but his beloved Alejandra is and she is killed by the main character.
Structure: he divided the story is what look like stanzas from a poem, which give it a unique appearance.
Setting: The setting is X717 in what seems to be the future.
Conclusion: well the story is interesting but it needs to be developed more, also you could describe more the setting so that the reader gets a better idea.
Gerardo J. González
Young Blood Running
Synopsis: This is the story of a boy who grew up with a father who acted like a gangster and mistreated his wife, so naturally he grew up to be a gangster junkie who killed people for the fun of it and got involved in many illegal events including other mafias.
Structure: This story is narrated form the main character's point of view in a summary of what seems to be a the twisted life of a gangster.
Characters: most of the characters aren't defined except for Wiso and Benjamin. Wiso was the one who started the main character in the "game".
Setting: the setting isn't really defined.
Conclusion: This story would be good for a person who is involved in this. It would help that person realize that long with others who have died the same way, in evil there is never any triumph.
Gerardo J. González
Unfinished Business
Synopsis: this is a story about a boy who got run over by a truck after running away from his parents after he confessed his homosexuality to them, and how he must learn the reason why he is trapped in this dream world of his where everything is completely the opposite to our world so that he is reborn.
Characters: we have the boy and his parents, a dogird and Prowly. They all show different traits that make an important par of the story and how this boy learns an important lesson and is born again.
Setting: it has no specified setting.
Structure: this story has good use of descriptions but lacks narration. The author could use a little more narrations.
Conclusion: I personally find this one very interesting, and I really loved the idea of a world made of a persons dreams.
Gerardo J. González
The Raise of Bastoria
Synopsis: this is the usual story of a land in wealth who find themselves to be greater than the rest and consider that the only cure to their problem is to eliminate those who stand in their way of creating a perfect world. Therefore we have two clashing forces, White Gates vs. Bastoria, thus involving them in great battles, in which honor and truth will be found in debate with power and greed.
Characters: the characters are Ipibiont, Varhalia, Hoss, Robm and King Bradley.
Structure: The excessive use of dialogue makes this story more interesting.
Setting: the main setting is middle earth, which is divided by White Gate and Bastoria.
Conclusion: you should probably name your places and characters after something that is not that common, people will tend to refer to your characters as characters from other stories.
Gerardo J. González
PS: Sorry about the multiple posts
The Raise of Bastoria
Synopsis: this is the usual story of a land in wealth who find themselves to be greater than the rest and consider that the only cure to their problem is to eliminate those who stand in their way of creating a perfect world. Therefore we have two clashing forces, White Gates vs. Bastoria, thus involving them in great battles, in which honor and truth will be found in debate with power and greed.
Characters: the characters are Ipibiont, Varhalia, Hoss, Robm and King Bradley.
Structure: The excessive use of dialogue makes this story more interesting.
Setting: the main setting is middle earth, which is divided by White Gate and Bastoria.
Conclusion: you should probably name your places and characters after something that is not that common, people will tend to refer to your characters as characters from other stories.
The Raise of Bastoria
Synopsis: this is the usual story of a land in wealth who find themselves to be greater than the rest and consider that the only cure to their problem is to eliminate those who stand in their way of creating a perfect world. Therefore we have two clashing forces, White Gates vs. Bastoria, thus involving them in great battles, in which honor and truth will be found in debate with power and greed.
Characters: the characters are
Didn’t expect it like this…
Syopsis: this storry is about a girl named Ykuz who meets a man named Sansa in a restaurant in "The block" in Orange California. Ykuz seems to be a goth girl who has a friend she really likes named Jin, she considers him her almost boyfriend. Sansa meets them both and tells Ykuz he saw something in Jin he really didn't like. Next thing we know is a call from Jin comes to Ykuz and only the song "Behind Blue Eyes" is heard, the next thing we know is that Jin is dead and Sansa is comforting Ykuz in her time of need.
Structure: The use of dialogue and description makes this story interesting, and it is also a ver intriguing plot since we might never know if Jin was actually murdered by Sansa.
Setting: It all takes place in online chats and The Block which is vaguely described.
Conclusion: It is and odd story but still good. You should probably use more descriptions and develop the story more since we all want to know what happens next.
Gerardo J. González
"A Rose"
Synopsis: this story is about an archaeologist named John who is searching for a secret treasured stone in the amazon but seems to be lost, alone and hungry. He finds him self in a trail of red rose petals and finds a woman in cave with a rose by her left knee and falls into a trap ignoring the womans warnings.
Characters: John and the unknown woman are about the only characters that take part of the action.
Structure: this story is divided in chapters which means that this story is not really finished.
Setting: the story mostly takes place in the Amazon forest and in the cave in which he found the woman.
Conclusion: I will keep on reading the chapters to better understand the story, because up until know it just reminds me of an Indiana Jones movie.
Gerardo J. González
The taste of revenge
Synopsis: This is the usual cheater heart brake story, in which, like always a man cheats on his soon to may wife and leaves an unsuspecting woman with broken dreams and hopes, and usually pregnant. Then broken turns cold and the only way for her to get relief is to kill the man who hurt her.
Structure: It was a very good narration divided by dialogue but it seems more like a drama play bill.
Setting: Not really defined but what we do know is that one of the vents takes place in a chapel.
Characters: Monique, Christina and Mark Now my favorite character is Monique because she show to be a smart woman since no one ever knew that she killed mark. She must have really planned things out.
Conclusion: It is a very good story but it reminds me very much of every day soap operas. Thought it has a very good us of dialogue.
Gerardo J. González
Gone
Synopsis: This is the story about a man who was abducted as a child by some strange race who consider him to be his savior, along side his mate, who seems to be his girlfriend Andy. The story develops as he and his friends Alexa, Hector, and Ian join them for a camping trip. Unknown to Devin he was
being followed by the strange race that named him their savior for it was his time to save them.
Structure: It has very good use of description which makes this kind of tense since the frightening details make this story all the more intriguing.
Setting: It takes place in some kind of forest and Devin's house.
Characters: Devin his girlfriend Andy, Hector, Ian, Alexa and Devin's parents take part of the action in this story.
Conclusion: It was very good specially since it made me very intrigued to know what was actually going on, and what exactly did this strange creature want with Devin.
Gerardo J. González
From the hell of Afrika Korps...
Synopsis: This story is about an interview with a Russian soldier forced to join the air forces, aliased as Fritz.
Structure: It has no special structure but it has good use of narration and description.
Characters: we only have two characters involved, Fritz and he interviewer.
Setting: The story takes place in Fritz's house, however the story Fritz narrates spreads over the old world and new world.
Conclusion: It is a very good story considering the fact that most of the stories involving the Nazi are related to supernatural events such as the gates of hell.
Gerardo J. González
The Christmas Present
Synopsis: this is a story about a boy named marcelo, and how he learns that in life sometimes we just don't get what we wish for, no matter how much we work for it.
Characters: Marcelo and his parents take most of the actions in this story.
Structure: it was written in separated paragraphs due to the different actions taking place in them. It was very useful since you can take track of what is happening.
Setting: The story takes place in Marcelo's house. Around Christmas since the last day is Christmas morning.
Conclusion: It was well written and it makes you think that normally children have the best view and opinion of the world around us... if everything in life where as what we worked for it would be a better world.
Gerardo J. González
The madhouse
Synopsis: It seems as if the story f a under age child who is sexually abused and tormented.
Characters: The narrating voice, and some other characters who are described vaguely.
Setting: It is poorly described but it seems to take place in what seems to be hell.
Structure: The use of metaphors is extensively used in this story but it is written in normal paragraphs.
Conclusion: It was a good description of what to me would be an average nightmare. You could use a little more description and more development since it seems as just metaphors describing an unpleasant event.
Gerardo J. González
Alien In The Attic
Synopsis: This story is about a boy named Cody, his family and a mansion they receive as heritage from Cody’s Uncle named James, who was known as Freaky James due to his paranormal studies.Cody began to assist a new school where he was called Freaky Cody because of his uncle. Later after many frightening events he discovers an alien in his attic.
Conclusion: The use of descriptions and dialogue helped me better understand this story. It seems like a good story and it had me very intrigued. I would compare this story to dramas like Heroes, you read the first chapter and you just want to keep reading.
Structure:It was divided in chapters to create a stronger intrigue in the story, also the use of dialog was very noticeable since the dialogues where separated from the rest of the story.
Characters – The story has about eight characters Cody, Mrs. Watts, Melanie, Dr. Elwood grant, Uncle James, Dustin Flanoir, Edward and Tristan. Every single one described in a very good way. it makes the story a lot more interesting.
Setting: The only specific information the the author offers it that the story took place mostly in James old home.
Gerardo J. González Torres